Friday, July 29, 2005

A new beginning

I bought a new fan. It was the only type Wal Mart had in stock, and cost me 15 bucks. It's a simple 12" table fan, nothing fancy, and so far it's been doing a good job of keeping me cool.

I have a theory that Wal Mart makes you stupid. Spend any time in one and you'll see a non-stop parade of idiots. They'll block aisles for no reason, try to push carts through other carts, take stuff out of their cart and leave it wherever they feel like, and any number of other things that no intelligent person should do.

This world simply can't have that many morons in it, and all of them converging on a single place is statistically impossible. Therefore, entering a Wal Mart automatically makes you stupid.

They're sneaky about it. You don't feel stupider, but you are. You notice everyone else being stupid and gloss over the stupid stuff you do, and your intelligence doesn't return until you walk out that door. Even when you're outside you still don't recognize the stupidity, because your perception hasn't changed. You remember everybody else being stupid and yourself being normal, which simply reinforces the fact that people in Wal Mart are stupid.

And before anyone says it, yes that includes me. The fan I got was on the top shelf, on top of another fan. I had my brother tip the bottom one so the top one would slide off, and I caught it as it fell. That's stupid, and we were both idiots to do it that way. If I'd missed it, I'd have to deal with a broken fan (most likely by putting it back on the shelf), and get another one. The one I got looked like the one one in the store without a banged-up box, so I'd have a broken one and have to get an inferior box to boot. As I said, stupid.

Preserve your intelligence, don't shop at Wal Mart. I think employees are safe from the stupefying effects, but I have no way of being sure. They always seem to know where things are, so they must have some possession of their mental faculties left.

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