Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Doom: The Musical

They're making a Doom movie, where all the stuff about space marines, demons from hell, and Mars has been removed. In its place they're making a swat team fight infected humans.

That's not Doom. That's barely even Resident Evil.

To rectify the situation, a friend and I have come up with the perfect way to bridge the gap: Turn Doom into a musical. I mean the proper Doom, not the craptacular version they're making.

Just picture it: An all-imp chorus line, a big duet between the marine and the Cyberdemon, and a Hell Knight dance-off.

A prospective list of song ideas includes the intro to the show (maybe a duet between the marine and some former humans), an ode to weapons, the imp chorus filling us in on what's happened between scenes, the Archvile song (I scream, you burn. Then I raise the deeeeeeeaaaaaaaaad. You keep shooting, I keep booting. Don't stop or you'll get buuuuuuuuuuurned!), and of course the big ending number.

Yes, the archvile song needs better lyrics. I haven't written it yet, cut me some slack.

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