Taking back the balcony

We've had enough. We don't have a balcony so that the pigeons have a place to sit and coo and crap. No, that balcony is for us to have a place to sit and gaze out over creation and look in other people's windows.

We have a plan. A master plan, if you will. A plan to block off access to the annoying pigeons while still allowing us to use the balcony for what it was intended. Today was the first phase, measuring and sweeping. We got measurements of every aspect of the balcony, from the width to the spacing of the railing.

Then came the least pleasant part. Pigeons aren't mindful of people's property, so they crap wherever they feel like it. Often this is in inconvenient places, like in the middle of a balcony. so I took the little broom and swept up a hundred or so little crusted-on bits of pigeon excreta, in what was one of the lousiest ways to spend a Sunday afternoon ever conceived by man.

I eventually got what I really hope was all of it, and disposed of it in the proper manner. I was tempted to just sweep it over the edge, but I didn't.

Soon will come the purchasing of materials and then construction of a great bird-blocking screen that will still allow us to see out nicely. There's even a groove in the balcony ceiling for such a screen to fit into, which makes me wonder why the apartments don't come with one in the first place. I guess it's a test of some sort.

During the sweeping I made a rather unpleasant discovery: a skeletonized bird leg. It was a full leg, with foot, just sitting on the balcony. I stared at it for a full minute before my brain would let me believe it.

I ask the biologists in the audience, are pigeons known to bite each other's legs off?